I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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