Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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