btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
