Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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