It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
