Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm at about main and main street
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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