Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
