Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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