Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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