saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
