well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
