Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
