sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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