They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
