my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
