2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
