i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
