Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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