Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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