wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize