R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
