Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize