The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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