Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
