Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
