Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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