you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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