just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
