Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
false alarm. still invincible.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
