Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
