I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
