That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
