Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
