Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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