Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
