Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
