3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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