New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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