it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
