whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
