i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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