i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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