like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
