We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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