I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
