Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
