my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
