dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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