I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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