I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
