that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
