Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
