I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
