i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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