Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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