At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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