tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize