I'm drive I can fine osifer
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
