The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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