It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
