Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize