I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
