I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
