i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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