Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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