I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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