Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
