i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
