We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
whose parrot is this?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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