i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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