It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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