My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize