booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
