in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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