You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
