Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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