my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
