Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I stole a fireplace last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
