he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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