i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
