i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
