I just threw up on my dentist
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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