wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
