Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
