He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my being single is dangerous.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
