It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
