I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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