bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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