he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They took my balls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i think i just lost a toe
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
