toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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