we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
