A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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